Thoughts n stuff n all that... n stuff. :-D

Ok, here I am again... two times in quick succession, wow. I guess you guys are wondering what's hit you, huh? Well, it's probably someone behind you spluttering. If so, I recommend you move, or put up an umbrella. Either way, they'll probably get the hint and stop spitting at you. Good. I feel we've all learnt something here today.

So, I've been learning all about and getting to know Jesus. Not unusual you might say, seeing as I'm on a Christian youth workers course. But yeh, you know, I think you can spend an awful lot of time hearing about someone, whithout actually learning about them. And you can spend a very long time learning about them without actually getting to know them. So yeh, I've just been trying to actually get to know Jesus. Like, really know Him, His personality, and what that means for me. I mean if you read through the Bible, you just start to get a view of how totally awesome and manly this man was! Have you ever watched the movies of manly men and thought ok yeh, definitely they are men! (that might not make sense to everyone reading this, but hey, bear with me...) and then someone who watch these protrayals of Jesus on film... and He's like. Well. He's nice. He's very nice. Sweet, even. Just this sweet, nice, toddler hugging guy with a 'love one another!' message and sandals. But where in the Bible is that image of Jesus even from? Like this guy insulted people, whipped people, I mean He spoke and people fell over! He spoke and winds and waves stopped! Think of the most manly man you can iamgine... I mean a real man. Like fierce and scary sometimes... but also gentle and loving. And Jesus is like 100 times more than that. Like Jesus' life was an example of how men were created to be - of how Adam must have been. And then for some reason, we water Him down, and we pick and choose points, and then we're left with this bizzarre image of what it means to be a man - some cowed over, brow-beaten 'nice' guy, who doesn't fight, or have fire in his eyes. How many dull men do you meet? I mean like, where the fire has gone totally out of their eyes? It's like there's something dead there, that used to be alive and excited, but they long since learned that good, Christian men can't be anything but 'nice,' right? Well just look at Jesus! This man argued with demons and took complete control. He was fully in the will of God from beginning to end, but He wasn't some sort of nicey-nicey push over! This guy had strength... it's just that He knew when and where to use it - and He did use it! And yeh, Jesus was humble... but again, what kind of picture do we put on that word humility? Push over, right? Cowed down, putting yourself down? No, humility is recognising that you matter, but you want others to matter more! It's not making less of yourself, it's making more of others.

So yes. That's what I've been thinking of recently... and yeh. It's been making me wonder... what would men be like if they felt free to be like Jesus?

Good grief...

has it really been this long? Xanga, my deepeest, sincerest and most heartfelt apologies for being such a remiss and neglectful owner over the past... years! I'm not even entirely sure anyone will read this, as people have probably stopped checking my xanga ages ago. (unless, of course, you receive the digest in your inbox. All the fun on reading the posts, with none of the fuss! *poses for a moment with commercial style smile* anyway...)

Sooo... how's the world of xanga been doing in my adbsense? I'm sad to see not many people like her now. She always was a her, you know. Well, I'm just here to have a chat about random things. Jen Jen I hope you see this, I still read your blogs, and I MISS YOU! And I have muchos news for you.

Anyway, just one random thought, isn't wireless internet helpful to the upkeep of friendships?! Yes? I thought so too.

So, my thoughts at the moment. Well, I have a million of them. I'll pick one... God. Broad, but still, one subject non the less. So He's been challenging me recently in my perceptions of Him. Like, I'll be guilt tripping myself on not having done particularly well with quiet times and prayer over the last couple of weeks, and God's voice will blatantly but in and tell me to shut up and just sit there with Him for a while. What on earth have I done to deserve that? I ignore Him, let Him down, don't make an effort and yet He still takes the time to tell me what i need to know. He still cares enough to tell me He just wants to spend time with me. I was challenged the other day by the fact that, if God is my lover, how does that affect the way I treat Him? I mean surely the most depressing thing for a lover would be, not only not beign reciprocated, but not being noticed. So like, you've walking in front of your lover sprinkling rose petals in their path, sending choclates, flowers, love notes, the proverbial jacket of your life is spread upon the ground beneath them... and they don't notice. Wow. So how often has God treated me to something? Given me a joy? Given me that love? And I don't even acknowledge. I sometimes put it down to chance. Other times, maybe I'm just looking out for it. I miss it in the humdrumness of life. How much would that break a lover's heart? And this lover is patient with me. He knows I sometimes find it hard to show that love back. But maybe, just maybe, the start of that relationship is what it says in the Bible - I love because He first loved me. And that means accepting that love Recognising that love. So the more I learn to look for and accept the love that God shows me day by day, the better I will become at reciprocating that.

That's what I'm thinking of at the moment. A good place to think is the shower. I think I'll go there now...

Cherry

I'm here!!!

Hello! Yay! I'm back!!

I'm sitting at work  waiting (for ages) for some letters to mail merge, so I thought I'd come and say hi whilst I wait! I can't believe I got  that many comments when I've been so rubbish at updating *warm gooey feeling* ... if i make it long this time do I get props and comments galore?!

Well, we got back from Romania last Saturday evening, 10pm, had been travelling from the UK time equivelant of 5am, so rather shattered. I'm still pretty tired now as well, but luckily got to swap my day from Friday to Thursday, so I get a long weekend. *pleasedness*

I guess I don't have to update you really on what we actually did in Romania, 'cause you can see that on our Fusion blog, so I'll stick with impressions instead. Once again, the whole feeling of the mission was completely different - in a good way though. The English team got on so well, it was really great And everyone was really supportive of each other. I didn't really get to see the Romanian Team as much as others did 'cause for three of the mornings of the kid's clubs I went out with the HSB carers to speak to some of the elderly people. I had such an amazing time tho. (I think I should start a new paragraph 'cause this one's getting a bit long, but I can't seem to find a break in my thoughts - so I'm just gonna start a new paragraph now. Ready?)

Better. So yeh, the first time I went was on the second Monday, and I went with Matt, and basically we were there to help out and experience 'being carers'... I got to do a lot more than Matt on account of being a girl! (Which was cool for me, but Matt looked a tad bored at times!) I got to scrub floors, shake rugs, stack wood, and wash an old person's feet. Some of it is impossible to describe unless you've seen it... and the smell in most of the houses would knock you backwards. (These were all in a little mountain village btw) The first woman I visited (we stacked wood for her) presented me with a jar of jam as we were leaving and told me to get a good husband, lol! I'm trying my best! (She also informed myself and Matt that we were too beautiful to work... personally, I like to think it was aimed at Matt. muhah!)

The second morning I also got to do a little bit of cleaning but not much (went with Paul that time) but I also got to tape a few people speaking about their childhood memories, and memories of communism and what it was like. It's just so humbling to hear what they've gone through.

Then the third morning I just went with two Romanians, and we visited some of the clients in the town. That was also quite fun, 'cause I got to ride on 3 Romanian buses, to walk through 3 or 4 markets, and just to generally traipse round areas of Piatra I wouldn't usually see. Also, this one woman fed me this cherry cake and this drink that was like strawberry coullee (sp?!?!) and then she poured fizzy water into it. Apparently it was diabetic too! However, God must have been protecting me big time, 'cause I'd just been playin with a dog and not had a chance to wash my hands, and I never came down with anything either from the random food or the dog.

The last woman we visited in the town had such an amazing story. (I wish this *** thing would hurry up, it's annoying me now. Gr!!) She was married before she became a Christian, and her husband wouldn't let her attend any Christian meetings. But she went anyway. So he beat her. And she said to us: 'And I couldn't stop laughing - because I couldn't feel anything.' He never touched her again - he couldn't. She continued to attend church, and helped bring one of her colleuges to Christ (despite persecution from that colleuge) Again, so humbling. I just wanted to sit there and learn from her.

Ok, I don't have much more time to left, so I wanted to tell you girls a little bit more bout my boy... Paul... I didn't want to go into too much detail on idd, a 'cause I don't know everyone there anymore, and b 'cause I feel like some of them might give me funny looks. :-b I'll get a photo of him soon... there's a lovely one on my phone, but I can't get it on here... anyway, he asked me out on the coach on the way back from Romania! Apparently we were sufficiently off the mission for it not to be breaking rule 4. ('no starting any romantic relationship' lol!!)

I'll describe him, 'cause I know a couple of you at least will want to know, and the rest of you, well just close your eyes, or scroll down fast, or just go away.

Ok, he's about an inch or two taller than me (when he's not sitting down... he's a sloucher!), brown very short hair (used to have very long hair then was sponsored to cut it off!) and big blue eyes. I like his eyes (I like the rest of him too, but his eyes are one of the best parts of him!) He also has a very gorgeous smile. And what's he like, hmmm... he makes me laugh  He has a really wicked sense of humour and is very sarcastic! He's sold out for God (isn't that a cheesy phrase?) and totally has all the makings of a spiritual leader. He's really good with kids, it's so cute! It's one of the things that made me fall for him. He's very mature, and he just makes me feel so safe, emotionally and spiritually as well as physically. I like that I don't feel worried that he's going to hurt me, and I completely trust him. (Before you wonder why I already feel like this, bear in mind he's been my best friend for ages!)

I would go on, but I think that's enough to give you an idea of what he's like, and I know there's probably nothing worse than someone going on and on about someone they adore, but you've never met, lol! So I'll stop there for now.

And yes, the mail merge finished ages ago, but now it's broken. I'll go fix it now I think...

Ceri xxx